In a divorce, parents should strive to create a safe and positive environment for their child (or children) after separation from the family as they deal with and overcome current and past issues. In some states (including Massachusetts) the court will require parents to attend mandatory divorce parenting education programs. If both parents have agreed to divorce, they should prepare time together with their child as early as possible in the process and assure them that they are not the reason for the parents’ divorce, that they will be continued to be loved equally by both parents regardless of the separation and promise continued cooperation in support of the child. Parents should also listen to their child’s feelings and thoughts about the divorce and respond sincerely to any questions.
Although it may sometimes be difficult, be aware that bad-mouthing the other party, fighting between parents over the child’s needs or custody, or using the child’s words against the other parent can lead to the child’s feelings being hurt. It can be helpful for the child to introduce a third party such as a counselor, with whom the child may be more comfortable speaking openly. It is natural for the child’s emotions and behavior to change over time, during and after the divorce. It is important first to listen closely to the child’s concerns whenever they arise and take their words seriously. It will take time for the child to accept their parents’ divorce. Remember to be patient as you progress with your child through this difficult process.