There is no guarantee that you will see good results, regardless of how reputable or expensive the lawyer you hire may be. What is important is that you build a good relationship and cooperate well with them.

Here’s a list of key points you should keep in mind:

1. Do not lie or hide information from your lawyer
It is natural for people to have things they would rather not disclose to others. However, all lawyers must comply with the duty of confidentiality, and failing to disclose everything will make progress difficult and may lead to feelings of mistrust. It is crucial that you disclose everything from the outset. Withholding information for fear of trusting your lawyer only to be found out later will lead to mutual trust falling apart.

(Case 1)
Mrs. A has savings located in Japan that she has decided not to tell her lawyer about, having planned to use it as living expenses after her divorce. However, the lawyer begins to become suspicious of A, who supposedly does not have money, as she time and again is able to secure funds from somewhere wherever she needs them. The lawyer questions A, and she reveals that she has savings in Japan. This leads the lawyer to terminate their contract as they feel that their mutual trust has been breached and they would not be able to establish the strong relationship necessary to continue the case. The court, seeing the newfound information of the savings, also starts to reconsider the credibility behind A’s statements.

(Case 2)
Although Mrs. B has hired a supposedly good lawyer, this is the first time she has ever hired one. She cannot help feeling that each payment she is asked to pay is rather expensive, and it makes her quite anxious. However, as someone raised in Japan, where it is generally frowned upon to do so, she is reluctant to talk about money in an open manner. On the other hand, the American lawyer does not understand what is holding B back from speaking her mind, and this causes a continued feeling of mistrust between them.

2. Be flexible with your expectations
Everyone has certain things they cannot compromise on when it comes to divorce. However, most lawyers have experience with hundreds or thousands of cases and are familiar with the general framework, the American court system, and the judges. It behooves you not to underestimate a lawyer’s judgment that comes with experience.

(Case 3)
Mrs. C has hired a lawyer for her divorce. She personally does not want her children to stay at her husband’s during visitations. However, both the Children’s Bureau and the court recommend that the children be able to stay at their father’s. The lawyer advises, “let’s accept this compromise and instead increase the number of days the children are at home”, but this is unacceptable to C. As a result, negotiations reach a stalemate and start to prolong and accrue further fees, and if this state persists any longer, the case will likely end up in court.

3. Keep important documents saved and organized

During divorce court proceedings, the most difficult task for both you and your lawyer is to locate and present the right information. It is no doubt stressful whenever you are asked for a date or evidence for something you never would have thought would need later with no record of, especially while withstanding the already heavy nature of court proceedings. However stressful it may be, it is imperative that all important documents are kept and organized in a file, and that any photos and mail/emails relating to the divorce are saved. If it is found that the information you presented is wrong and causes discrepancies with other parts of your claim, the credibility of your testimony will be at stake. This holds true for when you cannot provide sufficient evidence for something you are telling the absolute truth; it will be treated by court as if your statement did not exist. It is therefore advised that you keep everything, even things you may think will serve no use; it might come to be useful to you when you least expect it. Rely on the assistance of people around you for support.

(Case 4)
Mrs. D is not very good at organizing documents and files. Her husband was the one who took care of her taxes and all her finances. Having no clue what documents are required for divorce, she has been on the verge of giving up countless times when asked by her lawyer to bring out a document. In a desperate attempt, she reached out to her friends that have been through divorce themselves, who all came to her support – “Try looking for information like this”, “I’m good with organizing, I can help!”. She was even able to get information from friends and relatives of her husband who were in support of their divorce, too.

4. Understand the purpose of a divorce proceeding

The purpose of a divorce proceeding in the United States is to negotiate the division of assets and custody. Attempting to use your time at court to criticize the other party will backfire against you. This is because the court’s goal is to ensure that both parents can keep working together to raise their children even after divorce, and showing open hostility may be considered as “lacking the capability for cooperation”. Also, being overly set on making a point against the other party will prolong the trial and this can add up to making your legal fees a lot more expensive than
they should be.

(Case 5)
Mrs. E cannot forgive her soon to be ex-husband. She takes every opportunity to bash him and replies to his e-mails with cold criticism. Her husband’s phone is full of her angry voicemails containing f-bombs and other profanities. For her, it was necessary to act like this, as she could not have coped any other way. However, all of this was presented in court by the other party as evidence that she is “a mother who cannot respect others”. Her lawyer had warned her in advance that this kind of behavior could work to her disadvantage, but she was shocked that it would actually be true.